I am rarely someone who likes to jump on trends. Dance routines, Love Island, whatever everyone is doing – I can guarantee I am not doing it. Not because I specifically try to avoid these things. I just have limited time that I can call my own and I utilise it carefully.

Well I try too.

However, the passing of Hayden Panettiere has troubled me. I was reminiscing with my sister (August 16th) about all the programmes we used to watch as children, with Hayden starring in them. Remember the Titans is one movie that I remember vividly because it was something my mum made my sister and I watch. Hayden was born a couple months before me and whilst we were both eleven years old she had a role in a film with Denzel Washington! Like that’s huge!!! I was immediately a fan and continued to watch her grow on the big screen; Heroes, Nashville, Bring it On, one of the many Scream horror movies. Hayden and I were also pregnant at the same time and her daughter will be starting high school this year.

Without her mum.

I quietly admired Hayden Panettiere more because she was very open regarding her postnatal depression and I was not able to openly discuss mine until nearly three years after my youngest child was born.

Do you know how hard it is to feel broken inside but have to speak life into everyone else around you? All the time.

Do you know how hard it is to love a newborn, knowing that you are disappearing? Everyone asks for the baby, everyone wants to see the baby but the mother is rarely checked on. Being a mother, birthing a child, teaches us how to care for someone. However, on the flip side, it makes us believe that asking for help is a sign of failure.

As hard as life is and everyone is always saying “life be lifeing” – I could not imagine not living. Furthering in my authorship, growing gracefully in my wife-motherhood and fighting for black women in my sisterhood.

Always grateful for being watched over.

I receive these blessings in abundance.

I will continue to live and write.